today(well technically yesterday), I feel my heart has truly broken.

the woman I love, the most wonderful human being in the world, has been ripped from my hands.
my heart feels empty.  I feel so sad, so depressed.  But because love her so much, it had to be done.

have you ever cried right after having an orgasm?  I mean like truly cried because it may be the last time you ever see that person again?
I did today.  One last time of enjoying each others bodies, one last embrace, one last kiss, one last look, staring deeply into each others eyes.

the decision made today was the hardest I have ever had to make.  I thought I felt bad when I made the decision to divorce my wife.  But that holds nothing to how utterly distraught I am at this moment.

3 months ago I was the happiest man in the world.  I had a wife, a beautiful girlfriend(yes, they knew about each other) and life seemed like it couldn't get any better.  Today, I am divorcing my wife, my girlfriend and I had to break up to give her marriage a fighting chance, and life fucking sucks.
sure, I know in the end I will be a better person for all of this, I know that I will somehow sometime find happiness(oh the pursuit of happiness).  But right now all that I can think about is how my heart feels like it has been ripped from my chest.

I have had to walk away from her once before, a second time just seems to much to bare.
all is not lost.  We will communicate again in 6 months, giving them enough time to at least get on the right track.
I can't help wonder how things will be different.  I can't expect it to ever be like it was the last 3 months.  Realistically, if they are doing better, I may well have to stay out of the picture longer if not indefinitely.  If worse... Well, I just don't know.

my goal is to write in this log every day for the next 6 months until that time.
I thought about her every day last time, this time will be no different.  Now I'll just write about it.

this will also serve as an outlet to talk about the divorce I will soon be going though and what the future seems to have jn store for me.