today we went to the bank and took her off of the account and opened her own account and transferred 1/2 of all the money over to it.

I was doing ok for most of the day.  but J was always on my mind...
I really want to contact her some how... I might put another message on fb soon....something just for her.  I did post a picture of my fixed saddle bags with a button j had given me recently.  It says "I can only please one person per day, today I choose me".  I wonder if she will see it.

R and I had dinner tonight...I cooked the tritip and she made rice and salad... It was like it used to be...almost...
After dinner as the night wore on I started feeling more and more depressed...not because I wanted to try to make things work, but just because of the change that was inevitable.
I took a slow walk to the store and picked up some beer...came back and sat outside, thinking...I called my mom and started to cry...
I don't know what I am doing....I don't know if I've made the right decisions...I feel so lost...

I find myself almost crying now...  I feel down on myself, but I know that I shouldn't be.  I feel like a failure.. but i'm not... I just don't know what the fuck i am doing.

I am going riding with Yuki on a really long ride tomorrow...I hope it helps us both clear our heads a bit.